He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize