i just had sex bonerless
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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