I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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