Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
