all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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