We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize