YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
