Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
