By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize