Will you blow on my dice?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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