i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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