bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize