Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
