I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
