It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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