Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize