So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
