I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I touched a dick in church today
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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