You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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