And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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