My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
