i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
