why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
