This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
