pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
