Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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