I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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