the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
