i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
