Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
