yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
