I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will be naked everywhere
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
