i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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