And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
