I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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