the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
