We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
