his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We named our party play list daddy issues
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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