I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
