he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sext me about skeletons
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
