you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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