Whod you bang
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
