i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
whose ass print is on the piano?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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