dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
