I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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