i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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