How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
