So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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