TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
