From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
