I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
