There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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