You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
