Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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