Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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