mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
