I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
