Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize