woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
