I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
