you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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