Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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