im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
