Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
