Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
