I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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