I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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