Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize