I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
