do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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