My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
