This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize