Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
