i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize