I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
