Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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