remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
