I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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