If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
where am i from again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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