it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize