Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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