Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
