just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
