Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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