his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize