Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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