had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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