quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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