Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize