dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
