well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Did you just see the Batmobile???
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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