Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
