I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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