if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
