Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
