She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
