my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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