is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
