I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize