if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
