Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
