dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
