Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
