Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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