How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize