you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
