just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize