I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wear drunk well.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
