dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I booty called her while she was in labor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
