Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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