he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize